8 thoughts on “Script Extract for Critique 001: The Unwritten Rule by Lesley Fletcher

  1. Thanks very much Morgen. Your critique is very welcomed – but does it have to be so RED!! 🙂 There are a couple of things to adjust. I know that this being a short excerpt leaves some holes. As the story continues I would have to figure out a tricky way to have the mother/daughter(s) played by the same person. It is a challenge though that can be scrapped if the concept is too ambitious of me.

  2. You’re very welcome, Lesley.

    It’s an interesting concept to have the same person but the only way the audience would know that the mother is meditating in the lotus position is by seeing her. Apart from not being in two places at once, the mother would have to look older, and be dressed differently. Ditto when the daughter follows her mother to the ambulance – easier because the mother would be covered but it would still mean one person in two places.

    Red pen critique wouldn’t be the same without a red pen, 🙂 and it does show up better than black or blue – what would you rather?

  3. Red it is. I agree – any other would be sacrilege.

    Even the back would mean another actress but could be Tina in a wig? If Tara turned up after the ambulance had gone, she could play Tina’s mother, or you could have Tina looking out a window to the sound of an ambulance?

    Do you mean for their names to be so similar (I just had to go back and check which was which)?

  4. It’s not that difficult and has been done many times. In the end it’s a problem of the cutting room. The dialogue reads real and is fun. In order to judge the excerpt though, I want at least a synopsis of the whole thing so I can put it in context. Next time you pot an excerpt, do it as a professional would pitch it to a Hollywood agent, the excerpt an example of the way you tackle the pitching process.

    From how to sell a script to Hollywood:
    Be aware that is the core concept and story that producers will buy, not necessarily the 120 page screenplay you’ve written. Work to identify what that story concept is, and how it can be written in a brief synopsis. This is the tool that will be used in pitching your screenplay to producers.

    1. Thanks very much Rose Mary, for the tips and for your knowledge. Much appreciated. I was wondering whether to provide a synopsis in this case and do understand how it would make a difference.

      Short Synopsis: A mother, experiencing behaviour difficulties with her teenage daughter comes up with a plan to save her her daughter, hence her own sanity, at the cost of another life. The story demonstrates at the same time, the similarities between generations within each family providing humour and realism against a dark backdrop of dysfunction, deceit and moral deviance.

  5. I should have specified a synopsis on the Submissions page. I had for the novel submissions so it would have made sense. Thank you for the nudge – I’ve added it now.

    I’ve also added the synopsis to this post. 🙂

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